ya know how we all have those things we need to work on? well, i have been learning more and more that it's completely alright to have struggles...others and myself. i used to believe there were aspects of myself that i needed to hide. things that existed but that i needed to solve on my own....straighten myself out and then work to present myself at 110%. but the truth of the matter is that doesn't even exist...that 110%. and i am working to be okay with say the 85% or the whatever percent i have available each day. some days i feel very confident and peaceful about where i am, who i am, where i am headed. and some days, i feel like an insecure girl just hitting puberty or something. and u know what? that's okay. things are often only temporary, and life will go on. and...well...let's just hold each other for a while or something.
my friend's dad once said that when things happen, sometimes that's all it is. they just happen. it doesn't mean anything necessarily about any person in particular, it just means, at that time, that happened. i like that. it may not fit for everything but still i like it. that's another thing i'm recognizing about myself. sometimes i pretend i am letting go, when really i'm not for fear that i could mess up the future, what could be, what should have, what might. but that's not living in the present and i want to continue in the present...looking forward to the future but not trying to figure it out before it gets here. all these things are perhaps challenging but that's what the journey is about right? we all have incredible worth.
so my current vices? comparison, doubt of self worth and ability, and holding back. the process of defeat begun a long while ago but its all about the journey of it all right? continuing to better oneself as time moves along. and my friends, u are welcomed to call me on things when i slip. or just call me.
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3 comments:
i know what you mean. it totally is comforting to know that the issues you have you will have for the rest of your life. they're around for the long haul. so this means you don't have to fix them all at once. at least i like this idea.
people become most dear to me when they are real. when they own up to what's going on. and, you are one of those.
This is awesome! And to think- we've only been "virtual friends"!!!
I think it's going to totally suck to be honest about everything (shame included...boo!)and be available in the present moment. I think if you are doing that 85% of the time, you are off to a GREAT start!
My roommate's cat is trying to type to you too! She's purring so that must be some form of agreement!
See, even random cats think you're awesome!
shannoncita! tan bonita eres tu!
i miss you bunches...i'll be back in CA next week- do i smell a road trip to the ocean???
beautiful realizations shan. i love your honesty. and i love you.
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